Vanilla
by Aya-MyGirl-Writ
Summary: GakuHai yaoi story... Gackt wants to get Hyde for his movie, and in the same time, to get him as his lover... Unfortunately we do not own the guys, and we haven't got any profit from this fiction, we're just enjoying it. And you?
1. Chapter 1

**Aya featuring My Girl: VANILLA**

**English translation by Writ**

_Gackt's POV is written by: Aya_

_Hyde's POV is written by: My Girl_

_Chapter One_

_Gackt_

I put my legs on the table. The cigarette glows by my lighting. I'm watching the noisy telly with bored expression as a low voice fills my living room. A light smile enters my mouth while I'm letting out the smoke. This beautiful blond has been stirring my fantasy recently. I adore his voice and the way he moves. Right, but I want to hear his moaning while he's tumbling inertly of desire under me.

I grab the screenplay from the table.

It will be a perfect endorsement. From every point of view. I guess I won't be bored in the next few months. My cute blond victim also. He will back out. I'm enjoying even the thought of it. Despair will appear in his eyes. It's obvious, since he has a wife and a child. I bet in a good hot sake that he won't be able to resist me. Nobody is.

I flip through the printed piece of screenplay I'll give to my future actor-partner. Better to get ready. I finish the cigar and put it to the ashtray, then I throw the bunch of papers back onto the table, then I go into the bathroom and get off my robe with one simple movement. If I want my perfect plan to achieve in all pieces, today I have to persuade him to accept my offer. He has to undertake the other leading part of Moon Child.

Manipulating. Oh yes. That's what I'm good at. Of course that leading part fits him, but that's not a coincidence. He will realize it, maybe. Or he will not. Maybe he will realize it by the time he's laying under me in bed.

I just can't get this guy out of my head. I won't calm down until I get him. And after that? No, I never have anyone for more than a few nights. I like my lovers, but I just can't get them into my bed for longer periods. My rival will definitely have the same end. His eyes have wildness while he's singing, but he still has some mildness and helplessness. And I will use this for my own good. I have a relish for him whenever I see him, and I have to put an end to it by having him.

I get out of the shower and get dressed. I put on a black shirt and a pure white suit. I have to go.

I move out of the garage with my car. I love to drive. I got used to it: everyone stares at my black sport car while I'm going through the streets with it. Not as if everyone didn't stare at me myself without it, though. I have enough of the fact that my cute face has more price than my talent. Of course I can push and pull the media as I please. Only a few stars can do it. And it's power. I also want to raise guilty gossips with my film on purpose. And all of the chicks will be nuts about our pair with my sweet singer.

I booked a reservation in one of the most expensive and exclusive restaurant. The waiter lets me to the curtain-separated table. I sit down on the floor covered with red velour. My really use-for-sex victim hasn't arrived yet. I button out the top one button of my shirt in order to let him have a look at my chest. A good start is the key of everything.

There's no way of saying "no". There's can't be any disagreement. I will win. I will take him off his legs with me. He's motivating me. Like that boy motivated me with his piano-playing. Everything's OK until he gets to know that I want to feel him within my hands. I want to have him for myself.

I lit a cigar again. The smoke leaves my mouth slowly. The ordered hot sake fumes on the table. I drink it with one gulp. That fits yet. Fits yet, because I ordered it to be my seal to the bet, and the bet's score, who is now pulling the curtain and entering between the closed walls.

I look up at him. Hideto Takarai, you'll be mine.

_Hyde_

When he called me, I thought I'd just let the phone slip out of my hands. I have been a j-rock star for enough time to know: there are just a few things what can surprise me. Now he made me wondering for a couple of moments whether I was a boy or a girl.

Of course I had already knew from the news of musicians' world that he never hesitates if he wants to reach something. But how do I fit into it? Just what does Gackt Camui, Japan's maybe most mysterious and most popular rock star want from me? That's what I didn't have a clue about, even when I was preparing for the dinner of ours.

We never had a good connection. We were playing our own music with our own bands, we sometimes met on the bigger festivals, but he haven't shown any signs of even noticing my existence. I also wasn't in any personal contact with him, but I thought he was an interesting person. His scandals, his outspoken lyrics and his new-world-opening music gave him an extremely wild but yet mysterious image, which was also tried to be copied by other bands, of course abortively. Gackt was a unique and unrepeatable character.

I remember, when I first saw him on a live show, he was squirming in scanty leather coat, which drove the audience crazy. He was moving in those narrow clothes in a way like he was born in them, like he was going to take them off just because he wanted to bring more joy with his naked body to those who deserve to touch him. Until that, I had never seen anyone dancing as hot, not even a woman, as he did on the stages. Not staring at him was impossible. I thought I had got a clear answer to the question why was my rival called "the sex god of Tokyo". And, who knows, maybe I was jealous of him, because he could wear this sex-symbol-image so naturally, moreover he made this role his own, and played with his audience's senses with visible enjoyment.

He was another world, or, I thought he was, until I heard his voice at the other end of the line. His invitation was as straight and open as we'd known each other for ages, and I just accepted it without realizing it... and without knowing what the heck will I do with my rival at the same table.

At last I had only one opportunity: getting to know what does he want from me.

I was preparing for a longer time then usual, like it wasn't just an ordinary meeting. My wife mentioned jokingly that I was acting like I was going on a date. At that time I laughed at her. But when I saw him as he shot me his lupine and resistless look, somehow I didn't feel it that funny...

_Gackt_

I'm smiling inside. He seized me. That's what I hoped. Like he goes in fear of me. I look at him for a long time. He notices, and he looks a bit confused. Breaking him will be a pleasure.

"I'm glad you came" I say in the end.

"My pleasure, Gackto-sama."

So sweet, the way he bows his head to me. I return it, then he sits down in front of me.

"What do you think of a bit of sake for the beginning?" I look at him forcefully.

A bit of burning hot sake. I'd like to water him myself.

"Hai, that would be great."

The sake was delivered within a couple of minutes. We emptied the two little porcelain cups at the same moment. I pushed my seal on him. I didn't stop staring at him, but he was denying my looks.

We ordered meals, and after that he turned to me interestedly.

"To tell the truth, I was really surprised about your invitation... I wonder why did you think about me?" he smiled at me confusedly.

I lifted the screenplay in the folder and gave it to him.

He looked at it with an interested expression.

"Open it" I asked.

He did as I asked, and put out the knitted papers.

"I would like you to read it."

"Now, or is it OK in the next few days?" laughed he when he saw the thickness of the book. "Anyway you could tell me about it before. Moon Child? What's this?"

"Screenplay. Mine. I'd like you to play one of the roles. To be correct, Kei's role."

He stared at me with shock, then an unbelieving smile ran over his face.

"_Me?_"

How cute. I hope he will be the same shocked when I kneel down in front of his legs.

"Yes, you. The role perfectly fits you. I wasn't thinking for a log time about who to give it."

Now he will be more confused, or he'll simply know what's all this about, or he'll tell me he'll take a look at the screenplay.

"It's really pleasuring that you thought about me, but... I'm not an actor. I've never played in a film before, and I don't know whether I was able to do it.

Then he got confused. I guessed it right. Now comes my persuasive performance.

"You would be perfect for the role. I can't imagine anyone else. And, you know..." I bit my lips as I look at him "since what I saw about you during your career, I think..." now I'm looking at his neck, then at his eyes "... I won't find anything wrong in your acting."

I hope the same goes for bed. But I'm sure about it too.

I can see he doesn't have a single word.

"It's kind of you" says he while he grabs the box of cigarettes on the table. Auxiliary action. Senseless body-talk in order to cover his unsteadiness caused by my looks... Perfect. "Anyway, I'll read the screenplay to know what role do you want me to play."

Oh, I want him to play a really complex role. I'll tell him later the part of acting my lover.

"But I tell you something at the beginning" I grin at him. "You cannot say no!"

"Why do you want me for this that bad?" he raises his eyebrows, but he's smiling while he blows out the smoke.

As he's sitting in front of me, the whole himself, he keys up my senses. He looks better than in the television. I had a feeling about telling him the erotic part of my justification, but at last I decide at the natural part of the truth. The truth of desire can wait.

"I've told you already. It can be played only by you. Your personality totally fits the role."

"So does that mean you were thinking about me when you wrote the role?"

I can see now he's a bit more relaxed. His question is just innocent joking, while he can't even presume that he blundered up the entity.

Catch.

"See as you please, Hyde-sama. The role is waiting for you."

_Hyde_

I draw into my almost finished cigarette while waggling my head unbelievingly. I've paced into one of the most absurd situations in my life when I came into here, behind the curtains. Here, in front of me, sits the man whose one look Japan's half woman community could kill for, and this look is staying on me instead. And what's most galling in this, that this look is really confusing for me... Like he had some hypnotic powers which are keeping me looking at him again and again.

I must admit that he's good-looking, much more good-looking than I remembered. Moreover, when I met him face to face, I could feel on my own skin how overtaking his style can be.

_You cannot say no_ - that's what he said, and I was shocked to see that I really couldn't say no. The truth is that this role is stirring my fantasy, and who knows, maybe it's time for a new challenge, what is not music. I knew him enough to know that this screenplay I'm holding in my hand will be definitely successful. If someone, he had the ability to draw everyone's attention, and I had a feeling that he wanted to do something huge, what with he can be on top of Asia again. The only question is: what part does he want me to play in this?

"I'll think of your offer" I tell him at last, quelling my cigarette. First I wanted to read the screenplay before I promise him anything, but he's still grinning at me in a way like he'd exactly know I couldn't resist...

The curtains fly as the waiter comes in with our meals and puts it in front of us. We start it while I try to break the sudden silence.

"Let's say I'll like the story and undertake the role" I look at him thinkingly. "When would the endorsement start?"

"Within three weeks" he answers. "And you have three days to answer me."

I sign. He does it very well. Three days aren't enough to really think it over. I will say yes before realizing it. I guess this is his exact plan.

"I have a good reason for asking these" he adds while still staring at me. "Does my offer suit now?"

"As far as I remember, you said I can't say no" I answer cheekily.

He smiles appreciatively.

"I see. So your answer is yes" he looks at me pertly.

"You'll get to know three days after today" I tell him mysteriously, but he looks at me like I said a certain yes.

"All right. Three days after today at my place."

And he continues eating like nothing had happened in the last few minutes. He's getting on my nerves, this guy! I wonder what's on his mind, what's that he wants to reach so badly. I know he wants something... and I obey, and I just don't have a clue why. Maybe this is what's called enchantment. Of course I can say it's my natural curiosity, but that's just a lie for my own calmness. Still I can see that he's too certain in himself already, but I won't let him be more. Well... as I can see he wouldn't need it.

Now he raises his sight and looks at me again, tearing me out of my thoughts. Oh my God, is it his usual look, or is it just for me? It causes me an odd, uncomfortable feeling, but still... so prickling... and I just cannot put it anywhere. Of course he's smiling at me again like he knows everything, and while he eyes me up and down, I know he enjoys the fact that he makes me confused.

Just what does that smile want to mean? What do you want from me, Gackt Camui? And why do I have the feeling that the roleplay is just one part of your plan?...


	2. Chapter 2

**Aya featuring My Girl: VANILLA**

**Translated by Writ**

_Part Two_

_Hyde_

I close the screenplay of Moon Child shocked and unbelievingly. Just how did he know that this role will key up my interests? And how did he know that I'll fuse this much to Kei's character... He didn't know me... Or just I thought so far, that he didn't.

I really do like the story itself. I see a lot of fantasy in it. By reading the lines it was confirmed to me that Gackt's talent in writing doesn't end in writing lyrics... Is there one single thing this guy isn't adept at? Like everything what's touched by him has the promise of success... Of course I myself am a successful musician in Asia too, moreover, maybe my music starts to spread over the other parts of the world. But that almost touchable, cheekily open and straightforward confidence just diffused from Gackt so nobody could query the excellence of his work. After all, what he did was more than "good".

In these three days I read over the screenplay a couple of times, but the story just grabbed me more and more. And when I already saw myself as Kei, I knew I lost. I wanted this role. At least for myself... I wanted to show the world that I'm more than just a cute-faced rock musician. I wanted to show that I can stand my ground even by the side of Gackt.

Of course my wife wasn't nuts about it when she heard my decision. She didn't quarrel, but she let me know that she stood against this endorsement. I knew that Megumi doesn't like the fact that while she gave up her bid fair starting model career for me, my work still means my life. But hell it wasn't me who wanted a kid that much... moreover, she exactly knew what would she undertake when she married me.

I can't help it, it's what I've always wanted to do. What I've worked so hard for. What made me entire, with all its fly in the ointment... I wouldn't have been able to relinquish it, and she knew it well, but it was still hard for her to accept.

And no matter I knew how many conflicts would we have about my pluri-month absence, I had to undertake it. That's why I was successful in my work; because if an idea really catches my fancy, I don't stop until I attain it and get the highest out of it... and now I really wanted this role, because I felt that it could open new prospects for me.

Gackt was right: I couldn't say no indeed.

The appointed time came near, so I started to prepare myself. Black shirt, dark grey suit, silver-grey tie. With reckless elegance, I true up my blond curls, and I'm ready to go.

While driving, I'm thinking about why I want to convey a good impression on him. In fact, I like to be good-looking, but it's the second time I prinked myself just because I was meeting with him.

I roll back Friday's dinner again. After Gackt finished with the business part, we started to talk about other ordinary topics, and I started to feel more and more colloquial with him. Of course the sake we drank could help it a little, but he himself could be a really fascinating person if he wanted to. And now, for some reasons, he really do wanted to...

I was surprised by how much I could psych myself up on his thoughts, making the feeling that we knew each other for years. The only thing I just couldn't stow in myself was the scorcher look of his what swept over me from time to time.

Just a bit of time, and I arrive at the robust luxurious construction. The servant comes instantly, and drives my car into the garage while I head for the elevator.

I push the button which leads me to the up level. Then, wile the two sides of the door slides apart, I catch sight of him, hanging to the wall, waiting for me with his omniscient smile of his. I look him up and down without realizing it, like he's magnetizing my visage.

When I realize it, I get away my look and greet him. He leads me inside, the living room is ample and furnished classily. I can feel some light, almost unnoticable vanilla scent mixed with smoke of cigarette. Is it just me who the vanilla's lasciviously sweet scent reminds something erotic? Anyway, this "erotic thing" reminded me that concert, and the prurient writhing on the stages of the man who's now standing behind me...

_Gackt_

I pushed the button on my lighter and lit the vanilla-flavoured joss-stick. The smoke started to swirl upwards, writing a muddled stripe into the air. The lighter, still lighting, was put to my cigarette, and I suck into it. Then I threw the lighter back on the table with a reckless snap.

The threee days rolled by, so my blond victim will be here soon. Do I dither? Tut! I don't even think about it. I know his answer. Otherways, if he, for some horrible coincidence, said no, I, for dome horrible coincidence, would carry him to my bed, and keep playing with him until I hear his positive answer.

But I'm sure it's not that moment yet. When it will, it's on me. If I set forth something, I definitely push through it. And I set forth that he won't get all the joy in the very beginning. In the end he will be the one begging me. Future makes me smile before.

Sincere, he looks crisp by stamp. That's why he'll accept the line. After he read the screenplay, he won't stand the thought of someone else playing Kei. Sorry, Hyde, but my plans are always perfect. And they always make it.

I look at the cocktail cabinet. I think maybe one time he will need these guilty potions. Maybe I need to ease the supply. I never act as chance directs.

He has a nice career behind him. Girls go nuts for him, same as for me. We're an effective pair, at least for their taste. Two stars like us, side by side: catharsis. At least for fans.

I don't really know when did this cute blond catch my fancy. I always picked up on him when I heard his voice from the telly when they flashed a clip of L'arcenCiel. At first, my inquiry wasn't self-conscious. Until a year before. I started to write the screenplay around that time, and while I was thinking about Kei's personality, there was an interview with Hyde on one channel. Since then, my fantasy started to work, so now it sails close to the wind by pervertion.

The cigar lands in the ashtray. I look at my watch. _Sou ka_, so he makes me wait. Maybe I pardon him this one for his cute jib and his body.

My inner elevator signals that a passenger is on his way here. Perfect.

I lean against the wall, only a couple of meters from the metal inlet. It soon opens, and I catch sight of him. I look at him apprciatively and scholasticly. He's really attractive in his clothes.

I let him into the living room and invite him to the sofa. I thought a bit about letting him into my bedroom, to take a look there too. Or rather to take a look at me.

I stayed at the sofa.

"Something to drink?" I ask.

"I accept something less stronger" he says grinning while he takes seat on the leather sofa. "like red wine."

I go at the inviting cocktail cabinet and take out an expensive red, then I fill two wine-glasses with it. I sit by his side on the couch, and afford him his one. I let our fingers touch on purpose when he gets the wine.

"Speaking to the point, what's your answer?"

First he takes an appreciative look at the wine swinging to the flank of the glass from the cyclic movement. He makes me wait. He wants to make me conjure.

"I read through the screenplay" he looks at me at last. "You were right. I'm interested in the role."

I lapse into a smile exultingly.

Another victory, and the thought which was already a rule, went stronger: I never loose.

"So you take part."

"Yeah" he nods. "Not that you left me any other opportunities."

He doesn't know how well he sees the situation. He also doesn't have any other opportunities about my other question: he comes to my bed and we make love wildly, or else, he comes to my bed and we make love wildly. Hard decision. But I'm sure I'll get a fast answer when time comes.

"I'm pleased of your answer, and take my word, you won't regret it."

"I hope so" he laughs and lifts his glass at my direction.

We clink glasses.

"And, do you have any plans for the next three weeks?"

I have. He will spend it with me. I'll make it conscious in him slowly.

"Some there is" he says while sipping his wine subtly. "If everything goes well, I'll have a bit of time going up to the mountains. I was there snowboarding for the first time, and I liked this sport... Have you ever tried?"

"It's one of my hobbies."

A hit! First step located.

"Where do you go exactly?"

"To France, to the Chamonix ski-paradise. Ideal place to recreation, so I have a feeling that I'll need it before the shooting, moreover, Europe is a beautiful place."

"Who do you go with?"

Anyone does, he or she will be passed by. Passed by so much that he won't even come with us.

"At first it was Megumi, but we couldn't entrust the kid to anyone, and he's still too little to come with us to the other side of the world. So now I don't have a partner, although I'm still trying to convince Tetsu to come with me. I don't think I'd go alone.

"I think you needn't search any further" I aim at myself.

In his place, I'd get the picture.

"Well, if you'd like to, we can go together" he lets out a smile. "But I have to speak to Megumi first. You know, she isn't delighted about my some-months-absence of the shooting, moreover I vacate before."

I have a sexual fancy for this. I'm going to go with him.

"I'd like to escort you. I was also planning to go boarding somewhere."

"Cool" he smiles. "Can I light a cigarette here?"

Yeah... me.

"Sure" I say, and I light up too.

_Hyde_

I need nicotine. I know smoking is a bad habit, but the smoke always limbers me up when I need it. And now that I'm sitting opposite to Gackt, who keeps looking at me, I do feel that I need it.

I put out a string and suit it to my lips. He lights it for me, but he's undisguisedly staring at my mouth as I keep the thin tobacco perch among them. Why can these looks perplex me? Somehow, I get the uncomfortable feeling that it wouldn't be a good idea, going to a ski paradise tête-à-tête with him.

I must convince Tetsu to come with us. Not as if I feared him, his presence would be just reposeful.

I deeply draw off the smoke and look over the living room. A bit ostentatious, but furnished with great taste, and the warm colors approve of the snug mood here, although I don't see any personal objects. Not a single photo took out. An article comes to my mind, where I read about him that he really doesn't like others asking about his past. Just what does he want to forget that bad that he expatriated the personal things even from his house?

There's a beautiful white piano standing at the huge window. It could cost an arm and a leg, I don't often meet things like that.

"Your flat is grandiose" I remark. "I used to like these high suite of rooms, but then we moved to a villa. Did you furnish it?"

"Yes. I wouldn't have entrusted it to anyone else. There are far too much tasteless decorators."

"That's right" I laugh. "Do you live here alone?"

"Yes" he nods. "I don't have a girlfriend."

"That's strange" I smile at him.

Gackt not having anyone? Unimaginable. Sure I've heard about his conquests, but that exactly was why I thought that he always has an actual partner to share his bed... and now he's jut telling the fact that he's alone like it was only natural!

"It isn't. And I wouldn't say I'm alone" he smiles enigmatically.

Ah sure. I guess he's talking about his lovers. He must have a nice list.

I don't really know what to say to this. In the end, it's obvious that he, as Japan's be-on-duty sheikh, can sample between women. Maybe it was a stupid thing to do, dragging up this... but I was curious how would he answer. Maybe I'd be more staid now if he said he has somebody.

"Hai" I say at last while I suck into my cigar. "I thought you weren't the one to fear for."

"I never was" smiles he at me again cryptically. "But I wouldn't go into details."

I somehow don't feel like wanting to listen to details either.

His looks still suggest more than needed. Self-reliance is just swelling from him. The thought that he can do anything he wants. And maybe I envy him a bit for this. I don't say I regretted being by just one person's side, but marriage can be a big lug, and I don't mean only womening. I don't say I never necessitate some nice girls weighing me in an enraptured, ready-for-everything way, but I've already overgrown one-night escapades, I had enough of them.

I feel the contracted tasks much harder when it's about my work and my originatory freedom. And Megumi never understood the fact that I needed independence to unfold in music... Ah well, I guess Gackt doesn't have such problems.

I didn't want to strain this line any further. Anyway, it's none of my business. I finish the cigar in the ashtray, and nod to the piano.

"Can I try it?"

When he nods, I go to the beautiful instrument, and glaze its top with enjoyment. I haven't really studied how to play the piano, but I could still play some bits. I sit in front of it, and softly drive my fingers along the keys, just calling some soft voices. Then I start to play.

Bare people know, but once we made the song named White Fears with Laruku a version for piano, for an unplugged concert. I don't really know why did this come to my mind, but I like playing it now. It's maybe because I want to make myself remember that I still have my wings...

_Gackt_

I follow his soft movements with my eyesight as he walks to the piano and mellowly glazes it. He gently touches the instrument, the keys, and for some moments I supremely want those thin fingers touching me instead.

He sits down and starts a soft melody. Familiar song, but I couldn't tell its title. There's something like desperateness in his posture, and as I watch him, like he was craving for relief, and that was why he was hitting the black and white slabs. The melody, his clumsy piano-playing had something of his feelings in it. I wonder what did he want to express.

It was enjoyable to hark to.

I lit a cigarette, and watched him while smoking it.

I really hated playing the piano. I felt like carrying the whole weight of the instrument by being forced to play it by my parents. I suffered agonies of it. And I cold clocked it right away when I could. Exactly for three years. After so long time a boy in my age brought the piano back to my life. I can remember he played beautifully, and I couldn't stand it. I went home rampageously, and the white sheet came off my instrument. I played... the same he had played. I hairtearingly tried to be as pro in using the keyboard as he was. But it didn't reach at all. I couldn't reach his level. He made me angry. I wanted to sweep him off.

I wasn't able to accept the thought that he was better than me!

My fingers were blasé, so I felt the influence of three years' rest. I started to play the most hard exercises every day. I sat hours in front of the piano. And there has been a result. Now I couldn't imagine my life without it. At least this is what I thank to my parents. And now here's sitting this cute blond, and wakes things up in me, which I don't want to remember. Only a few people can do this, but he mesmerized me with his soft melody. He finishes, and turns to me. He's smiling tenderly.

"I flatly liked it" I smile at his direction palely.

"Well, I'm not really at home in piano-playing" he smiles back confusedly. "Guitars were always closer to me. But I couldn't resist this beautiful instrument."

I won't be able to resist him, if he keeps acting confused. So sweet.

"It was really good. I liked it!" I reassure him.

He nods and sits back by my side.

"About when do you plan the snowboarding? 'Cause I'll make myself free then."

Free prey...

"I'd go off on Saturday. The quarters are already engaged, but I really have to talk to Megumi, because I don't think it's worth arguing with her again. We'll see, I think it'll be fixed tomorrow."

He squibs. Right, let's squib.

"As you please. All right."

"Ok but then will next week be good for you too? Since we can't go for a longer period because of the shooting. Otherways, the villa we're going to is very harmonious, I think you'll like it."

I knew I'd convince him with an answer like that.

"I'll see if I surely have time for that. I'll tell you tomorrow too, then."

Some shoots you with a rock... shoot back with sex... maybe in that cute little villa.

"Right then" he smiles. "And as I said, maybe Tetsu comes with us. Would you like to bring someone?"

You think Tetsu comes with us...? ah well. Better to forget that stupid little thought.

"I don't think so."

"Uh-huh, ok, then, I think I'm off, I don't want to stick you up. I have some business left too, and tomorrow we're calling anyway.

He shifts me off. Gorgeous. Nobody has a trick on shifting me off. I let him out of my flat with a poker-face.

Where's that red wine? I filled my glass again. No problem. He's already between my hands. He accepted the role, so from now on he gave me free hand in seducing him. Of course he doesn't have a clue. He will, when we go sexboarding together. You have to try everything once in life, and I'll let him know this, maybe with a bit of superheated eroticism.

I started to stare at the piano which he was playing minutes ago. For a moment I feel remorse for having a back meaning of wanting him accepting the line. Then I came to sense. Remorse is the prison for weak. And I was everything but weak.

I have hardened my soul through my childhood, and I don't even know if there was anything what could throw me off my feeling's feet. Well, let's say there wasn't such a thing. I drank the wine, cigar, smoke out. Staring in front of me. Staring to the piano. Smoke outblowing again. Another glass of wine. I tumble on the couch. Staring at the ceiling. Swill. And in my ears I still hear the melody Hyde was playing...


	3. Chapter 3

_Part Three_

_Gackt_

I wonder how many steps. Ten, or eleven, is it? Hm. I should try it.

Maybe no one would notice that I drag a man behind myself on an airplane, heading for the toilet. I would bundle him there, and rape him. Nice plan, and thrilling too. I look at Hyde who's sitting beside me, gazing out the window. He isn't observing now... it would be the perfect time. When he'd return to reason, he'd already been giving himself to me excitedly.

Maybe it's twelve steps. Too much. It'd be ostentatious.

As usual, life stood beside me, and we will spend these couple of days together, téte-a-téte. Dear Tetsu couldn't come. I'm sooo sorry.

After my blond shook me off at my house, I was squibbing for a couple of days. And here's the result. We called each other almost every day, and I felt the relief in his voice when I told him that I can come. Oh, he will be definitely relieved, when I put things to right. His _thing_... hm...

We're landing soon. We won't have time to go out to the field today. I'm sure we'll have more interesting things to do. If it depends on me... but unfortunately, it depends on him...

We aren't talking to each other. We're both tired, not surprising after so many performances. Not mentioning those stupid talk-shows. This relaxation will be gratifying. At last I can rank off this always spinning stars' world. I've never said I hate it, but I just can't stop, not even when I'm tired to death. I hate days like that.

The captain says we're landing in the next twenty minutes. Twenty-five is more correct, as I can say now. Taking our luggage, we go under controll: _„Why do you want to visit this country?" _The answer: to fuck.

I guess this answer wouldn't really get my dear colleague's pleasure, so I say the other truth. Forty-five minutes later we're already heading for the villa.

_Hyde_

As I watch the land covered in a gross, almost untouched shroud of snow, the virgin whiteness strokes me down unwittingly. Now, for some days, I'll have time for myself at last. Some days when no newsmen will jump in front of me, when I won't have to be afraid of being followed by fans, and when I won't have to suit anyone's requirements.

Now that I'm here, I can feel how much I missed this feeling. Disposing of the always swarming Japan, the problems… I had too much strain these days, maybe that's why I had imaginations that just can't be real.

When we first spoke about going boarding together with Gackt, I had a sudden feeling that spending these days together, téte-a-téte, wouldn't be a good idea. His glances he looked over me again and again with were much equivocal, although it was possible that only I imagined more, as he nearly passed up. His voice was indolent, even languid.

I haven't a clue, just how could it come to my mind, that he's interested not only in my profession... that could came from being exhausted, and being popular, when you can't always tell who is interested in you in what way. Maybe it's because Gackt really is attractive, and that had an effect on me. And well... also my sexual life, which is getting infrequent lately.

Whatsoever, he sat beside me on the airplane, and as I didn't feel his look on me, his presence was surprisingly reposeful. Not that we spoke a lot. Being silent was just good with him.

At last, Tetsu couldn't come, which is a pity because we haven't gone anywhere double having fun for a long time. For too long time... in the past few years if I had time for relaxation, I always went somewhere with Megumi. Of course, I like being with her too, but I could never let myself go by her side. Maybe here is the point when the difference between men and women shows itself.

And now, since we're together it's the first time I went anywhere without her. If we didn't part as we did, maybe I would have pang of conscience, but as it is, I guess being apart for a couple of days is good for both of us. For me certainly. The problem wasn't that she didn't want me to go, but the style she spoke to me. She's been deducing her fits of nerves too many times to make me pray for a couple of days' serenity.

I can see the villa from the car's window. I take a look at Gackt, but he's resting his head on the seat with closed eyes. He really has a beautiful face... and it's like he has some mysterious insensitivity on it. I wonder what he's hiding behind that always un-find-out-able mask of his. I have a thought that there is much more than what he shows to the outside world.

Maybe these days I'll have an opportunity to get know something of the real Gackt. The man, not the showman. Because, in some way or other, there definitely is something in him what holds me spellbound...

_Gackt_

We took off the suitcases. We both took our rooms. They're side by side. Perfect. I think I'm going to feel lonely in the evenings, and I'm going to desire company.

It was getting dark.

The evening won't be without any program. I quickly toss off my clothes, and put on swimming trunks. A bit of swimming... and a bit of sauna never hurts.

I knock on Hyde's door. He opens it within seconds.

He looks over me confusedly. Only my shorts hides some parts of me. And here is the problem: it hides the main point.

"What do you think about a little bathing?" I ask while getting off all his clothes with my eyes.

"Well... OK" he said while measuring me involuntarily. "Just five minutes, then I'll join you."

Five minutes are long time. I don't move. I want to look at him while he's dressing.

He stares at me helplessly, like he doesn't know what to do with this situation. Then he shrugs almost undetectably, and steps away from the door.

"Right, I'll really be quick" he bends down to the suitcase, and starts to search in it. "Meanwhile, would you light a cigarette for me?"

Which cigarette does he mean? Because, if he really starts to take off his clothes in front of me, I will light his cigarette... but then my own will flame too.

I get the cigar box off my pocket, and take two of them. I stick both of them into my mouth, and they ignite in the same moment as the flame hits them.

Hmm... I draw both of them. I need it at least for the sight.

He takes off his T-shirt, and... oh, fuck... this guy is beautiful... I want to fuck him, now... here... forthright...

He enamels his blond ringlets off his face, and throwing his shirt onto the bed, suddenly vanishes into the bathroom. As I'd waken from consternation, he's already standing in front of me in a white robe.

Who was that asshole, who put a bathroom into this fucking room? I'd shut him there for years!

_But no problem, Hyde... you haven't __got a clue about what are you going to get from me today!_

"Then, can we go?" I ask.

He nods and we head for downstairs. I let him in front of me. I flatly hate this robe on him: it hides his attractive shape.

When we reach, we get into the pool. Swimming for awhile, mentioning some subjects which are only for a couple of words. An hour goes away.

"I suppose the sauna is already warmed up. Join me, if you'd like to" I call to him to the other end of the pool.

He nods and says he'll follow me in a minute. He doesn't know that he facilitates my plan with that.

I step into the spacious wood cabinet. I water the stones, then I simply pull off my trunks. I lay my towel on the top bench, then I lay myself onto it. Totally naked. Now only my sweet victim is missing...

_Hyde_

I stand under the stone-cold water before following him to the sauna. It burns my skin, but still it gratifies me for some reasons. For some reasons I don't want to think of...

When I finally can't stand the coldness, I turn off the tap, and snatching my towel I go into the sauna. Then I hope I'd stayed under the shower for more minutes. There lays in front of me Gackt, Tokyo's uncrowned idol – stark naked.

For a moment I can't even breathe. A thought comes into my mind, saying it should be culpable of punishment for someone being this good-looking. I don't know if I ever had such strange thoughts of a man, but sexuality is just swelling from him.

I take a deep breath and close the door behind me. I just can't turn over to run back under the water, not as if I wouldn't want to do it. I let the towel go from my waist, but I wouldn't want to take off my trunks. For safety's sake. I lay the towel on the bench under his, and fling down to it. I don't want to see it. I don't want to look at it. I still feel enough of his presence...

"Don'tcha feel warm in that pants?" I hear his voice.

Gorgeous. He doesn't make it easy for me. Moreover.

And now, what should I say to this? Anyway, who would ask such a question in a fucking sauna?!

"I don't think I'd sweat less if I put it off..."

Oh, great. I couldn't think of a more mistakable sentence.

"I mean I feel better this way" I add quickly.

"Yeah... laying is better than standing..." he says just to himself.

I even don't have the strength to swallow...

I guess I'm really going crazy. Like since I entered this villa, I have been dripped to another world, where a beauty-skinned, luring to sin bishounen is haunting. Me, Hideto Takarai, who thought of himself that he already gratified his passions for bisexuality in his Laruku-period.

Here he lies above me, and despite I can't see him, I could tell almost exactly how the sweatdrops arch down on his bronze brown skin... The air I breathe is filled with eroticism, and it spreads over me unstoppably.

"Maybe it's truly too hot here" I say after a couple of really long minutes. "I think it was enough of sauna for me today. You stay?"

"I stay for a couple of minutes. Just go, it's okay" he looks at me investigatively.

"Then see you upstairs" I answer, then I grab my towel and leave the sauna.

Well, maybe the word 'run away' would fit here _much_ more. I desire two things now: a cold, stone-cold shower, and a cigarette. Maybe two.

I step under the water again to cold my flushed body, and last but not least my distressingly perverted thoughts.

Gackt is a man. Try to neglect the fact that he is crucifyingly attractive. I am too. A man who has a wife and a child. A man who's not in his twenties to jump on anyone who is just a bit good-looking. In the past few years I felt I had grown up enough to be able to settle down by someone's side, as in the Laruku's first years I had enough time to luxuriate. Maybe it was even too much. The sex beyond measure, the frowzy nights' long line can also make you apathetic. After some time it just doesn't give anything, just gets of you. You loose yourself within the nameless arms with no face. And you're searching for something... or someone...

When I met Megumi, after so much time I felt serenity. Something that I needed, and it quieted my disgruntled soul. And now this serenity was aroused by a dark-eyed demon, closed into a beautiful man's body...

I don't have any idea what will I do with Gackt for four more days, if on the very first day I'm this psyched out of him...

When I already feel like freezing to death, I close the tub and step out of the shower. I wipe myself with broad, reckless movements, then slipping into the cover, I head for the living room.

I fill a glass with wine for myself, then I go sprawling on the white leather sofa, lighting a cigarette. Smoke gratifies me. It makes me slack. Exiles the desperate thoughts from my head. So, when after some minutes he enters the living room again, I can look at him calmly again...

"You're not in royal spirits" he looks over me as I'm lying on the sofa.

"Yes, we can say I'm tired" I smile slowly. "My body and my soul... and the journey was also long. So forgive me if today I won't be a really enjoyable company" I laugh. "But I'll try my best."

"Turn over please" he asks me solemnly.

Uh-huh, good. How was it about that being slack by soul thing?

"Why?" I glance at him grinning while finishing my cigar into the ashtray.

"Just turn over" he says and vanishes at the bathroom.

Why do I feel like it isn't supposed to end well? Yet, I obey him, not that I'm sure that it's a good idea, because I'm not. With a deep sigh I roll on my stomach, and put my head on my folded arms.

Within moments, he appears with a tube of cream and stands above me. I swallow, but my throat is strangely dry. This isn't what I think it is? He sits on my back with one movement. Shit: it's really what I think it is. He grabs my robe at my neck and mellowly butts in under it. He starts to pull it off slowly, then I suddenly notice that I'm already lying half-naked, Gackt straddling on my waist. I feel a cold touch on my back, then his fingers start to disperse the cream on it. I go goosebumps everywhere he touches me. His movements are silky yet strong as he strokes me with his palm.

I moan involuntarily of the good feeling when he starts to massage my shoulders. My brain starts to turn off. I hide my face between my arms in order to hide the enjoyment what shows up on it. What he does to my body is unbelievable despite it's just a massage. I don't care why he does this, just do more... It slacks me and gets me into prickling fever at the same time... Damn, what could he do in bed, if he can wake my senses with just a little massage?

I don't want to think about this... moreover, I don't want to think... just floating senselessly in a world where nothing exists but my body and these endearing fingers...

_Gackt_

Married? Tut! Who cares? Everyone needs a bit of vodka sometimes beside Bailey's. So I'll be his vodka.

I softly caress his backbones, from his neck to his waist. I feel him shake. Oh yes, these were the effects I wanted to take off him. My fingers walk by his shoulders. Sometimes, just touching his tresses, I root into his hair.

I hear him moaning silently, he hides his face between his hands, like he could hide anything with that. He just doesn't realize that now it's not his naive wife... he won't shaft me. I'm a man too, I know well what does every single reaction mean.

His white skin is shining of cream. So attractive... so tempting for a kiss. Maybe my head starts to move unconsciously to his back. I just want a soft kiss... to give him an innocent touch that would make him more flushed... and me too. Millimeters separate my lips from his back. I hesitate. If I start something now, I'm afraid I couldn't stop myself. Maybe he feels my breath on his back... maybe he knows what I'm about to do.

I don't do it.

Instead, I lean to his ear, and whisper into it:

"Does it feel good?"

"Uh-huh..." he moans faintly. "I don't remember when I was last massaged.

I can massage him on other places too, if he feels like...

"Tell me where you'd like..." I whisper into his ears while stroking his back softly.

"There at my neck... is a point... that's... a bit of in a gnarl" he says spasmodically, and he doesn't lift his head yet. I slither my hands there and start to fray it with my fingertips.

"Yeah... there..." he sighs.

Oh yeah... when I'm in him, I'll hear the same sigh... I'm looking forward to it.

I don't wanna get my fingers off him... it's too good to touch him... it makes me feel too good...

I get over myself, and put his robe back on him. Then I lean into his ear again.

"Good night."

And I get off him and leave the room without a word.

He's within my hands...

"Wait..." I hear as he calls after me. I turn over curiously, and pull up my eyebrows questioningly. Maybe...

For a while he remains silent, just looks at me investigatively, while I look back at him waitingly. I can't read anything from his face.

"Thank you for the massage" he says at last silently, when the silence starts to be too long. "It really went a long way to me."

I smile.

"You're welcome."

He doesn't know yet that he will get a much more long way going massage from me...


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

_Hyde_

As I lie on the couch, I feel as miserable as I've never been. I aspire him. When he stood up from my side, and I started not to feel his fingers on me, it made me so desperate that I called after him.

He turned back, and looked at me waiting with that unfathomable look of his. For a moment I wanted him to come back and finish what he started more than anything else... and not to leave me here like this... but he didn't move, and I didn't have enough courage to say out loud what I thought. Maybe it was better like this, because I would have started something unstoppable with that. Something that just mustn't happen.

So at last I just let out an ungainly 'thanks', not as I was aware of what I was saying, and he smiled at me and disappeared in his room. I stayed there alone, with my burning body and the vanilla scent diffusing from my skin. Vanilla again... spinning around my senses whispers luscious things into my ears...

The prickle runs on my back again and again as I think about how I felt his hot breath on me just a couple of minutes ago as he bent over me. His lips were so near my skin that I was waiting in every moment when will they touch me...

I grope to my cigar blindly, then I roll onto my back and light it. I suck the nicotine with closed eyes while I don't even try to make the thoughts tidy in my head. The chaos is to big... there's too much of this new, startlingly prickling feeling... and it seems like I cannot do anything about them.

It seems like a thousand years when the cigarette burns over. I stand up and finish it in the ashtray. My body feels heavy. I have to sleep. I have to escape from the reality. Escape from my aspires.

H&G

If I thought I'll have relief in my dreams, then I'm damn mistaken. Everything I wanted to strangle came over again a thousand times in my subconscious. While I was defenceless in the imprisonment of my dreams, I was making love most rabidly to a man who was as guiltily beautiful as the fallen angels...

When I woke up from the haunting pictures, my body was still soaking wet of the lust's sweat. I haven't felt such urge to rub off since about my twenties, but I felt I was gonna die if I can't suffice now. I was uptight to explosion, in a way that couldn't be calmed down by any cold water.

After all, I go into the washroom, and I feel wobbly like I haven't slept anything at all; it costs at least half an hour to collect myself. When at last I go out to the living room, Gackt isn't anywhere. At least he sleeps well, not that I know to be happy about that or not.

I start to make coffee, which's scent slowly lures out that sexily rumpled, yawning companion of mine. He roots his fingers into his hair, and looks at me with veiled face.  
"I love morning sex. It always makes me relaxed."

I thank the heavens I haven't started drinking my coffee yet, because I'd have spit it out right back into the cup. I try to neglect the comment.

"Then, I think a coffee would be good for you."  
"Yeah. And a cigar. A very long cigar. That strong type... would you put one into my mouth?" he looks at me with those irritatingly attractive eyes.

Now I can't stand not to remark.

"Hm, was the night that good that you can't even use your hands?" I say while I smile at him innocently.  
"You want me to use them?" he looks at me panderly.  
"Well, you could use them to drink your coffee" I answer and I shake my head unbelievingly.

I put the coffee into one of his hands, one of my cigars into the other, then I light one for myself.

"You mean them such a boring use" he acts elfish.  
"I don't think it's my stuff to tell what to use them for" I shrug.  
"That's right, independence is my virtue since my childhood..."  
"That's really good, then you can start to dress up independently, then we can go down to the fields" I start to tease him too. "It's nearly noon."  
"Aren't I good the way I am?" he looks over himself, then looks at me provocatively.

He fucking knows how good-looking he is! And why does this disturb me so much? Maybe because I'm not able to take my looks off him...

"I'm going to get dressed... then take care of yourself, because I'll wash you off the lane!" he adds with a malicious grin.

He just frays me with his dubious comments, while, if I don't take them seriously, they can be kinda funny at the same time. Just it's not that easy, moreover when you're weighed with famished twinkles. And about how he'll wash me off the lane... well, I'll believe if I see.

It's not even half an hour, and we're sliding down the lines. The wind plays with my hair as I speed, and the feeling of liberty relaxes me at last. Now and here everything that overwhelmed or roiled me seems far away. Now it's just the white snow, the blue sky, and me.

While speeding, I leave all the despairing thoughts, and I let myself into this freeing feeling.I watch as he goes by me, trying to pass me. I can see that he's a bit somebody else too, he lets himself too, as he teases me smiling, while we slide down, competing each other.

I start to think about why he's so rigid. He seems flimsy, but it's nothing more that a really deceptive mask. Even if he smiles, his smile is never that real that would come of his heart, like he'd fear to share it with the world... however, now he tries to win over me like a child.

It isn't easy, as I can doubtlessly move better on the board than him, and I even have the face to tell him so, to make him harassed. Of course then the fervour gets him, and our silly little game gives this sport a new, unknown colour... I feel as young and irresponsible as I haven't for a very long time.

When in the end he still passes me in boarding and cheekily and superciliously grins at me, I decide that he'll get a lesson from me too. An evil smile enters my face while I pick up a handful of snow. Game isn't over yet, Gackt! Now we'll se who's gonna win...  
He starts back to the villa, but I call after him:  
"Hey, Gackt-kun!"

He barely looks back when my insidious snowball hits him...

_Gackt_

The snow chills my face as it hit my face.  
I blink.

Right, then... a bit of body warm-up won't hurt before the evening. I bend down for a handful of snow, and in the next moment the heavy ball lands on my victim.

He backs: hits me on the shoulder. I back: hit him on his back. He backs: on my legs. I back: on his hands. He backs: on my chest. I back: on his stomach. He backs... oh, fuck it: he hits me on my dick.

I bite my lips in order to not letting the pain enter my face. It seems like he didn't notice where he hit me.

How on Earth am I going to perform in the evening? My own unsuspecting victim digs my trap.

I sign to him, with a strained smile on my face, that it's time to go back into the villa. But maybe my smile isn't strained at all. I enjoyed this little battle. I took everything too seriously in my childhood. My regular game with death distracted my attention from those childish games other children of my age often played. Tcha... they were boring.

The inquiry after death, to fight my battle with him, to get close to him but not fall over: yes, it was exactly the real game for me. I nearly drowned, and after that, an avalanche started in my life... so many things changed in me. Death... and I still wanted to make this untouchable thing mine - and to still stay alive. To feel the same cruel relief, like under the water...

We reach the villa, and both of us go into our rooms. I change my clothes, have a shower... and I conjure perfect looks for myself, which is, to tell the truth, not a challenge.

About an hour long I was in my room.  
When I step out, Hyde is standing in the kitchen, and is trying to open up some beer. I raise my eyebrows.

"A man doesn't drink beer. A man drinks vodka!" I denote him not to continue toiling with the opening of the lidded can, and I put a whole bottle of vodka. I screw off its top with one motion. I bring out two glasses, and I pass a fair gob to both of us.

I can see he's backing out a bit.  
"No argument!" I tell him in a voice which doesn't accept contest, when I see that he would protest, and I put his glass in front of him.  
I clink glasses with him.  
"I'm unaccustomed to drinking clear vodka" he says boggling. "I don't really like it, because it's a bit knocking."

I'll knock you out, I smile inside.

"One drift!" I raise my glass, and do as I said.

He does it too, although not with that much enthusiasm, then starts to cough.

"It's awful, I can't imagine what can be likeable about this" he says while lighting a cigarette fast.

What can be likeable about this, is that he'll be debauched by it.

I pass the next portion without thinking, then we sit down on the couch with our glasses. Now comes drinking... continuing... continuing... now comes being drunk... comes laughing... right, let's come now sex.

"How are you two, otherwise?" I ask while putting my head deep into the couch's back, staring at the ceiling.

I hope he understands what I'm talking about.

"You mean Megumi?" he asks vaguely. "We're OK, I think, fair good at this rate."  
"The hard star life, isn't it?" I continue staring at the ceiling. "I don't know what you're talking about!" I say with irony.

He laughs.

"It's not easy, that's for sure. Although I try to handle my personal life discretely, it's still having a lot of stress. Well, we had a bit of a quarrel before I came... she didn't really like the idea."

"You quarreled? She wasn't fearing for you because of me, was she?" I laugh.

Of course she hasn't a clue how she should fear for Hyde because of me.

"Why, do you think you're that scary? No, her problem was just that why did I come if I'd still have to leave for the shooting. She just can't understand that while she's at home in the whole year, I'm working round the clock..."  
"I still don't know what you're talking about" I laugh again, then I grab my glass and drink the remaining vodka.

The bottle is empty now. I start to see the world otherwise. Everything is so clear, so univocal... that's why it's so dirty. I'm up to something really dirty.

With a movement that seems innocent, I sit closer to Hyde. Now our hands abut.

"Don't you?" he laughs too. "But I heard that you too had a marriage..."  
"She wasn't the love of my life... and because of that it didn't last long..."  
"Love is relative" he shrugs. "It soon vanishes... or changes into something else."  
"Or never has existed" I add coldly.

I look at his direction. Our faces are just a few centimetres far. He looks in front of himself.

"I'm sorry you think like that" he says silently. "Love is rare, as lust and affection often walk on different paths, they're just too different. But sometimes... sometimes, I think, the two feelings meet, and that's the real catharsis."

_If the two feelings meet... then that's the real catharsis... _I listen up to the last words.  
I'd long to know that he knows what he's talking about, at least if it's just about the catharsis of sex. And our two bodies will meet.

I still stare at him. His hair is rumpled. I see that because of the booze.  
No... because of the lust.  
I have to put it straight... it's as tidy in the reality as rumpled for my eyes, when I'm playing I just put my hands there and set it. A little part of my little plan...

I lift my hand and touch it mellowly, like I'm putting the naughty curl straight.  
He looks at me immediately when he feels my touch.

I look deeply into his eyes... I hold him in check with my leer, I don't let him a single moment to turn his head. My fingers, which are still touching his hair, start to go into his ears' direction. I touch his skin softly, and caress his faceline, to his chin... I let my hand stay there for a while, while I can't escape from his eyes.

I see he's opening his sensual mouth to say something, but not a single voice can come out.  
My fingers wander upper, and they find his lips. Just touchingly, I caress them. I crave his kiss... and I can see in his alcohol-heavy eyes that he feels the same...

I lean closer to him. Our noses nearly touch. His eyes meet mines. I don't need his permission, I just do what I planned without it.

I do away with the distance between us, and I'm yet feeling his hot mouth. It's soft, so rabidly soft...

First I taste his upper lip... I stroke it gently with mine, then the lower one, I draw a soft line on it with my tongue... then I let myself fully into his mouth... I tour it... not too pretentiously, not in a too low key... directly as my lust wants: voluptuously.

Maybe first I feared he'd protest... he'd push me away... but now it all seems ridiculous. My self-confidence is too big to take a thought like this seriously.  
He takes a deep breath. I can feel how he sucks my lips...

It feels so good... too good...

_Hyde_

My sense is filled with alcohol-steamed mist. Everything is so strange... world has fallen out of its usual channel, limits have vanished... I don't even know what's reality and what's just a dream. A light, soft lip cleaves to mine, and is kissing me like no one ever kissed me before. His tongue walks inside my mouth mellowly, making all of my senses shiver. He's kissing me, and I'm kissing him back, I can't do else, I like this feeling so much. I'm nearly trembling... it makes me warm and takes me within, in my body lust comes to live whimperingly. Lust, the urge to feel as much as I can of this somebody who these crazing lips belong to...

Our tongues meet, sweetly touching each other. I can barely feel the vodka, but it seems really tasty now... I want more of it... as it goes down deeper and deeper, I sigh pretentiously. He feels my crave, and pushes himself on me even more hard.

I open my eyes a little, and behind my half-closed eyelids I can see his beautiful face, as he's dematerializes of the same lust that storms inside me. His eyes closed, he had let himself fully, he hasn't got limits, he can freely play with these feelings... he kisses with full of himself... but I... I cannot give myself. I can't do it, I cant... it doesn't matter how much I want to...

I push him away feebly, and break the kiss.  
"Please, don't..." I whisper, but it feels like words ain't come out of my mouth. "Don't do something we'll both regret later."

My throat is dry. I don't dare look at his eyes, because I'd immediately break.

"Your own faith will be your undoing" I hear his low but yet crisp answer.

I'm too much drunk to answer anything to that. I stand up and desperately try to get over the dizziness. My legs are weak, much, much more weaker than I expected them to be. I don't really know if it's because of the alcohol, or the lust I feel... I nearly faint.

"I have to go to bed" I mutter like an idiot, and I start to go to my room.

I haven't a clue how did I manage to here, but suddenly I was in the room, shut between the safety of the four walls' solitude. I flop down to the bed, and grab my hair, then start to tear them. How could it happen? How could I let way to a recrudescence like this? How could I let things deteriorate this much? How can I be such an asshole?!

He bewitches me, I can't deny those dark eyes, and I could pour into his hands like a little filly... I'm pathetic... I'm weak... I can still feel his kisses on my lips, as he touched me with them... and this touch's memories don't let me... again and again, they come up... just not to let me relax. I still feel dizzy... what is this swirl that gets me and doesn't let out? It drifts me, further and further from the myself I was before I met him...


End file.
